Jazz Mechanica

Romney & Gingrich Do 'Who's On First?'

2012-01-30T14:48:00.000-05:00

You might think this clip has nothing to do with music, but one could argue that it's a beautifully paced duet performed by two rappers. (Besides...it's very funny.)

Clarinet Jazz From Bombay - Shankar Tucker

2012-01-28T12:02:00.001-05:00

We are impressed by the young, upcoming Indian clarinetist, Shankar Tucker, possibly a player to keep your eye on. Here he plays his composition, "Lemongrass."

The New Burnin' MIles Davis Quartet

2012-01-26T10:42:00.000-05:00

The Saxterian Sorority Sisters Show Off Their Saxtoos

2012-01-22T23:53:00.000-05:00

Former girlfriends of saxophone players have inaugurated a sorority called The Saxterians. Speaking for the Saxterians, Saralalalee, (we list only her first name because she’s a minor), said, “Sax players are just like, wow, you know... hot! I mean... their horns make those hot saxy sounds and that big curved thing poking up below their belly button makes a girl think of...well...golly... you

Soviet National Anthem - Stan Kenton 1972

2012-01-20T19:40:00.001-05:00

Thinking outside of the box is an attribute of all innovative jazz musicians. Most of the greats never put a foot into the box to begin with. Stan Kenton explored the world outside the box more than any other big band leader. He took musical risks that sometimes ended as commercial failures. One of the failures was his unusual 1972 album, National Anthems of the World, recorded seven years

Omigosh - Too Much Cowbell In Oshkosh!

2012-01-13T20:44:00.000-05:00

Today's AP news clip caught our attention. OSHKOSH, Wis. (AP) — Demonstrators calling for the recall of Wisconsin Gov. Scott Walker learned there really is such a thing as too much cowbell. Oshkosh police arrested a 26-year-old Appleton man on Thursday after he kept playing a cowbell and shaking it in an officer's face when he and other protesters were told to be quiet. The

How To Choose A Musical Instrument

2012-01-12T00:37:00.000-05:00

Obit: Sid "CC" Slusher

2012-01-11T00:29:00.000-05:00

Sidney Clavencort Slusher: 1965 - 2012 Revered trombonist and showman, Sid "CC" (cold cream) Slusher, died unexpectedly while performing at a Republican fundraiser for Newt Gingrich at a gentleman's bar in Brooklyn. According to an anonymous source close to Mr. Slusher, "CC" had asked for permission to bring a few girlfriends along with him for the event, as was his custom. Surprisingly,

Lots Of Jam, But No Bread

2012-01-07T00:02:00.001-05:00

On January 2nd we posted, Craigslist: Musician To Play In Restaurant. That post went viral and immediately generated more interest from musicians around the world than any article we’ve posted. It’s receiving hundreds of hits every day. Evidently, it touched a sensitive nerve and poked a bee's nest. We’ve received letters. Here are a few excerpts (we added the pictures): Frank in

Louis Armstrong In Cairo - 1961

2012-01-06T01:40:00.000-05:00

During the Cold War, America sent its best jazz musicians - Dizzy Gillespie, Louis Armstrong, Duke Ellington, and other geniuses - on international tours to spread goodwill in what is now a universal language, American Jazz. We love this picture of Satchmo taken in Cairo in 1961.

Ban Dixieland Music? Ban Trombones? Only Play German Marches?

2012-01-05T00:12:00.000-05:00

The following is an article about a tragic accident in 1996. It begs the question: Should we ban Dixieland music, or trombones, or perhaps, for safety's sake, only play German marches? MAN SLIDES HIS TROMBONE, KILLS MUSICIAN IN FRONT OF HIM By Randy Jeffries/Weekly World News (January 23, 1996) Bocholt, Germany -- A band musician died of a brain injury when the trombonist behind him

Audition Call For A Drummer And A Bassist In Omaha

2012-01-03T23:59:00.004-05:00

Jazz Mechanica, ever vigilant for musician's gigs, found this audition call posted by "Wow" on the talkbass forum (He didn't post a picture, but we found one of him.):Hi. Im 20 years old, I play guitar, bass, keys and drums and do lead vocals but cant do all that at the same time so Im looking to start a band. Thers no other music like what I write out there, so Im not going to bother listing

Craigslist: Musician To Play In Restaurant

2012-01-02T15:13:00.000-05:00

Date: 2012-01-01, 4:30PM Craigslist Ad: We are a small & casual restaurant in Vancouver and we are looking for solo musicians to play in our restaurant to promote their work and sell their CD. This is not a daily job, but only for special events which will eventually turn into a nightly event if we get positive response. More Jazz, Rock, & smooth type music, around the world and mixed

New Year's Gig Train Wrecks

2012-01-01T03:23:00.000-05:00

New Year's Eve gigs sometimes just don't seem to go smoothly. Every year The Reaper manages to drag along and pull down a number of musicians while he's busy knocking off the old year. We've received reports about a few of this year's catastrophes. After years of vying for the prestigious New Year's gig at the Polish National Home in Miasta Węgla, Pennsylvania, the Polka Princes were

The Best "Auld Lang Syne" Ever Recorded

2011-12-31T00:01:00.001-05:00

Last year we posted the story behind the Hollywood Trombones and their Christmas album released in 1990, in our opinion, one of the best collections of holiday music ever recorded. The link to last year's post is in the sidebar under "Most Popular." We have no control over what posts show up under that heading. A bot does the counting and automatically fills in the "Most Popular" according to

Music Teacher Tricked Students Into Stripping

2011-12-30T11:45:00.007-05:00

We think a news item posted by the Associated Press today is worthy of Jazz Mechanica. A Tacoma music teacher has been accused of conning at least one vocal student into stripping, saying it would help her increase her low range. How low can you go? Here's the link to the AP News Clip And the link to the article in the Tacoma News Tribune

Last Minute Gig Calls For New Year's Eve

2011-12-29T01:02:00.003-05:00

Jazz Mechanica keeps its ear to the ground and passes along possible gigs as soon as we hear of them. Here are a few open New Year's Eve gigs for you cats who are resigned to sitting home that night and wishing your pet turtle a Happy New Year at midnight. Residents of the Weren't We Grand Retirement Asylum are still looking to hire an unarmed country western band made up of Purple Heart Iraq

Why There Are No Trumpets In Christmas Music

2011-12-24T23:15:00.001-05:00

Christmas music is always orchestrated for Harps, Strings, Woodwinds, Percussion (especially Tympani) and Low Brass. Have you ever wondered why trumpets are missing? It's been tried, but the results are always less than emotionally charged, celebratory, holiday music. Click on the audio file below to hear the results of a few attempts to include trumpets in Christmas music orchestrations and

Haven For Jazz Maven's "Slayride" By Popular Demand

2011-12-23T21:52:00.001-05:00

We've received numerous requests to present, again this holiday season, the recording of Jazz Mechanica's Mellow Tone Haven For Jazz Mavens House Band's rendition of "Slayride." As many of you know, donations to our site support The Mellow Tone Haven For Jazz Mavens Retirement Home For Jazz Musicians in Bad Axe, Michigan and, once again on behalf of its happy residents, heartfelt thanks for

Stella & Ella 'Panomine' "Silent Night"

2011-12-23T14:43:00.001-05:00

You Really Can Afford Live Music For Your Party!

2011-12-17T23:32:00.017-05:00

White-haired musicians remember well the days when New Year's Eve gigs were booked at least eight months in advance. It was impossible to find a musician in any genre without a New Year's gig and it always paid big; three to five Franklins was not uncommon for sidemen in good bands in those days. It was our Christmas bonus - the best paying gig of the year. There were no DJs and live music was

Clark Terry Is In Intensive Care

2011-12-12T21:26:00.001-05:00

Clark Terry, one of the most good natured, witty, enduring and talented jazz musicians of all time is in trouble. If you've ever had the good fortune to hear him play in person, or played music with him, you know those adjectives are weak next to the real experience of legndary Clark Terry. The following was just received via Bobby Shew: Please Pray With Strong Faith

Rasha Dasha Diumundaie Introduces The Flauta Orificium Probiscum

2011-12-09T19:38:00.006-05:00

Rasha Dasha Diumundaie has announced the long awaited introduction of his unique flute, The Flauta Orificium Probiscum Offered in three tempered scales and one distempered scale (for free jazz). The Phrygianisnot, The Pentatonasnot, The Gypsyosnot, The Lydiodoriaoliadiatonisnot Mr. Diumundaie tells us it will be on your favorite dealer's shelves before Christmas. Holiday special: One free box

The Contemporary Classical Composer's Bullshit Generator

2011-12-07T17:14:00.004-05:00

Are you a classical composer? Are you stymied over how to write narrative expressing the essence of your latest opus? This link holds the answer to your prayers. THE CONTEMPORARY CLASSICAL COMPOSER'S BULLSHIT GENERATOR Here is an example: "My aim is simple - to perceive all ambiguous monophonic-styles, whilst simultaneously (and statically) transposing the idea of '

Nicholas Payton on Why Jazz Isn't Cool Anymore

2011-12-06T00:25:00.002-05:00

Nicholas Payton is dive bombing the Jazzosphere on his blog with comments like: "Jazz is dead...Jazz died in 1959... Jazz died when cool stopped being hip... Jazz is incestuous...Some may say that I’m no longer the same dude who recorded the album with Doc Cheatham... Playing Jazz is like running on a treadmill: you may break a sweat, but ultimately you ain’t going nowhere... The elite make all

Warning: Beware Of Trumpetphile

2011-11-19T13:28:00.002-05:00

Clarence Honkin, 57, registered trumpetphile. Honkin removed his ankle monitor and his current whereabouts is unknown. He is known to hang with community band brass sections and has been seen in football locker rooms.

Percussionists Desperate For Gigs

2011-11-17T03:05:00.001-05:00

A sad example of how hard the economic downturn has hurt musicians. Two percussionists from the Holland Symphony were recently laid off and were forced to take this gig for their milk with quackers.

The Lick Lives On (and on, and on, and on)

2011-11-15T21:30:00.000-05:00

This patchwork clip comes thanks to TBONEALEX.

An Auspicious Day for playing "Giant Steps"

2011-11-11T02:03:00.002-05:00

It’s an auspicious day. A day to buy lottery tickets. A day for those who have been trying unsuccessfully to have babies to make love like mad. A day to attempt contacting dead ancestors. A day to chant unfulfilled wishes over and over again. A day of green lights and sparse traffic. A day when the hospital calls to say there was a mistake in your bill and you have a zero balance. A day to wash

Schytte For Four Hands

2011-11-10T00:01:00.000-05:00

Elevator Music

2011-11-07T15:20:00.001-05:00

The Banjo Busters Do Halloween

2011-11-03T00:39:00.001-04:00

Transcription of Carl Fontana's Solo On "I Got Rhythm"

2011-10-27T17:34:00.000-04:00

Tough New Hotel Rules For Musicians

2011-10-25T23:18:00.000-04:00

Guess The Time Signature

2011-10-19T20:39:00.001-04:00

THE NEW YORK GYPSY ALL STARS PERFORM EZ-PASS(Guess the time signature.)

Genius Is The Pits!

2011-10-17T11:03:00.000-04:00

Benny Goodman ANNOUNCING THE 3RD ANNUAL CAIRO JAZZ FESTIVAL The 3rd annual Cairo Jazz Festival 2011 (CJF 2011) will run from 17-19 March, 2011 at the SAWY Culture Wheel complex in the heart of Cairo, Egypt. CJF 2011’s goal is to provide jazz education and entertainment from a shared perspective on global Jazz culture and music to a broad

Debbie Not Doing Dallas And Other Super Bowl Scoops

2011-02-06T00:12:00.004-05:00

Last year we promised live coverage of this year's Super Bowl's entertainment and music events. Our sports music editor, Jock Short, started out for Dallas last Saturday. Cancelled flights caused by foul weather left him distraught and stranded in Bermuda for a week but he managed to catch a flight to Cleveland this morning. Unfortunately, he was arrested by the FBI while boarding his connecting

Are You A Bach Brain, Or A Bird Brain? Take The Test.

2011-02-03T02:26:00.004-05:00

Today's aspiring jazz musicians have access to more helpful tools and methods than ever before. The conflagration of books of jazz patterns, modifications of scales and chords and transcriptions of famous musician's solos is enough to burn a young jazz player's brain to cinders and leave his wallet smoldering. Give me a jazz musician's name that people recognize and I will give you the name of a

Let's Remember: All Drummers Were Once Cute Little Kids

2011-01-31T05:25:00.002-05:00

Drummers are the targets of many musician jokes. We here at Jazz Mechanica believe it's unfair, so we prepared a special, kinder/gentler, short article about drummers to illustrate that yes, all drummers were once cute little kids and some of their mothers may have even loved them. But first we need to answer the endless mail we get asking about whatever happened to the Corona Chicks. Perhaps

It's, Like, Totally Uncool to, Like, Say What You Mean

2011-01-29T23:00:00.004-05:00

Imagine music composed of incomplete lines, interrupted phrases, enigmatic exclamation points and invisible question marks after statements. Well, like, you know, that could be totally annoying, huh(?)! The human voice is the musical instrument we all use and language is our musical score. Your voice sings your thoughts into my ears and my voice likewise into yours. In recent years the spoken

Laurel & Hardy Dance to the Music of Carlos Santana

2011-01-22T13:02:00.000-05:00

A Fun Sound/Video Mix

The Minutes Pass Like Hours When You Sing

2011-01-20T16:31:00.000-05:00

You can spot them in the audience even before they approach the bandstand. There are telltale signs; like trying to get eye contact with cats in the band and grinning widely when they do. Sheet music on their table or sticking out of their purse is a no-brainer - you know they're going to talk to the leader during a break and you're going to play two tunes you hate, in a key with too many sharps

Opening speech at the 1964 Berlin Jazz Festival by Dr. Martin Luther King, Jr.

2011-01-17T12:37:00.000-05:00

"God has brought many things out of oppression. He has endowed hiscreatures with the capacity to create - and from this capacity has flowedthe sweet songs of sorrow and joy that have allowed man to cope with hisenvironment and many different situations. Jazz speaks for life. The Blues tell the story of life's difficulties, andif you think for a moment, you will realize that they take the

Terraphone World Premier Shows Grit, But Lacks Pay-dirt

2011-01-15T00:53:00.002-05:00

Special report by Jazz Mechanica nature reporter, Wheed Sodlogn Perhaps you've heard rumors about a marvelous new musical instrument that was developed in Sweden by master gramophone maker, Adolfus Ek. Whispers about the Terraphone have been passed from ear to ear and music stand to music stand by musicians for over a year. I decided to fly across the pond and check it out. The Swedes were oddly

Veggie Musicians No Longer Beating Meat

2011-01-12T01:54:00.012-05:00

The world of sound is an expanding universe with novel decibel delicacies wafting into our eardrums every year. Perhaps prompted by New Age rage, or live-forever zealots, a plethora of innovative musical instruments made from vegetables have become popular with patrons of Whole Foods Markets and Zen For The Super Rich Spas, a sizable jazz-loving, poseur, fringe audience. But the vegetable cart

A Short Glossary of Musical Terms

2011-01-09T00:00:00.001-05:00

MORDENTCON CALORETACITPIZZICATOOPUSPORTAMENTOALLA BREVEPEU A PEUDAL SEGNODA CAPODA CAPO AL FINE

Wee Tree Tee Riff Hicks Voted Best New Jazz Trio for 2010

2011-01-05T18:47:00.000-05:00

Thank you to our readers for voting in this year's Best New Faces in Jazz poll. Your votes have been counted, the results electronically tallied (this year's margin of error has been reduced to 38%) and the overwhelming favorite in the Jazz Trio category is: Wee Tree Tee Riff HicksFrankly, we thought the Hicks brothers would end up at the bottom of the slush pile, even though our staff all

Jazz Mechanica's Man Of The Year - Massey Khist

2011-01-04T04:52:00.000-05:00

It's once again time to announce our Man Of The Year award and this year the award goes to the brave and tireless female vocalist agent, Massey Khist. Massey, or "Twinge," as his friends call him, has been in the vocalist booking game longer than most sax players hang on to their favorite axes. His contacts are endless, he knows the canary scene better than anyone in the biz and he has set

Hollywood Trombones - Most Beautiful "Auld Lang Syne" Ever Recorded

2010-12-31T17:46:00.005-05:00

It was 1989 when Don Waldrop bailed me out of the LA jail, got my impounded car out from behind the barbed wire, cleaned me up, got my axe out of the pawnshop and told my girlfriend she hadn't heard from me because I had a cruise ship gig and couldn't afford the sea-to-land phone calls. (He also asked her to send a little cash, which she did, of course, but the bastard wouldn't let me buy beer

Blues For Wriggles and Thanks From Bo

2010-12-31T01:12:00.006-05:00

As regular visitors to this blog know, our writers occasionally bend the truth a wee bit and joke around now and then. The turning of a New Year is certainly a happy event, but it can also evoke serious emotions. I generally leave the writing to our staff, but I like to offer my own personal message every New Year’s Eve. So, for this posting, we will put the humor aside for a moment while I

Sorry To See You Go – Happy ‘Twern’t Me – and Schadenfreude For 2010

2010-12-29T01:21:00.001-05:00

We’ve finally arrived at Jazz Mechanica’s obits editor’s favorite time of the year. It’s when our Arvid Reaper happily presents his litany of notable musicians who have run out of Del Segnos, Da Capos, and Codas and the note from their last Fine is just a hollow echo. Of all the events that we recount at this time every year, we seem most fascinated with who’s bought it, checked out, kaput and

Play The Leader/Drummer Game and View Your Profile

2010-12-27T02:30:00.002-05:00

Social profiling is now an exacting science. Everyone with a gadget to sell knows if you are their target, or not. It wasn’t that long ago when phrases like, “Redheads have hot tempers,” and “Women with small feet have…,” well you know the drill, but we are far beyond those silly generalizations and it seems that science is now also focused on us folks in the music biz. Two North Texas State

"Slayride" Played By The Mellow Tone Haven For Jazz Mavens Resident's Band

2010-12-25T03:33:00.017-05:00

We've had a tremendous response to our Christmas Eve musical offering. Thank you for all the wonderful letters, compliments and well wishes for Woody. Woody is beside himself and strutting around the campus like a thirty-year-old Berklee graduate today. Unexpectedly, we've also had numerous requests for application forms to live in our retirement home, Mellow Tone Haven for Jazz Mavens. We

Woody Plays Heartwarming Tunes For Christmas Eve

2010-12-24T04:40:00.011-05:00

Well here it is at last, Christmas Eve. What a relief for musicians who no longer have to wait for phone calls about non existent Christmas party gigs. Does anyone remember those days and those well paying gigs? Oh well... God bless DJs and may the devil see to it that they distort sounds in scorching, screeching, hellishly piercing decibels for eternity. The cats here at Jazz Mechanica

A Little Peek At Our Home And Family

2010-12-22T04:11:00.006-05:00

'Tis the season of goodwill, sharing, family fun and getting pissed off when you don't receive glowing thanks for the perfect gifts it took your wife weeks to find for your special friends. The season also begs a bit of showing off and allowing others candid peeks behind the curtains of your life. In that spirit, Jazz Mechanica is giving its readers a glimpse of the people who make our

Chet's Nuts Roasting On An Open Fire

2010-12-19T19:00:00.015-05:00

There may not be another food as solidly associated with the holiday season as roasted chestnuts. These delightful treasures are rich, sweet and tender. They fill the room with good cheer when shared with friends. But they can be tricky to prepare and not everyone is lucky enough to live in New York where chestnut vendors, who roast them perfectly, are found on every street corner. Chester (

Susan Boyle's Gift Ideas For That "Sax-off-onist" In Your Life

2010-12-15T02:03:00.019-05:00

Susan Boyle is one cheery and very busy musical elf this year, but she graciously responded to our unusual request and agreed to take some time to put together her personal list of gift suggestions for your hard-to-buy-for-gear-head saxophonist (they pronounce it "sax-off-onist"on the other side of the pond - cute, eh?). Do you frantically rummage through endless drawers and closets filled with

The Scene: Where They're Playing

2010-12-10T04:42:00.024-05:00

Kzlutzklotoviech Pchiandovielkomodzcieven,our dazzling new arrival from Tskrachavulvaniawafts sexy sax sounds over the tables of Andrievomovich's Unheimianon Second St. every Wednesday and Friday.During the first part of her set,she gives lessons on how to pronounce her name.During the second half she interprets the classic jazz repertoire.This past Wednesday she played Monk.Monk lost. The

Desperate Cat Gig Contractors, Inc.

2010-12-05T20:36:00.006-05:00

Frequent contributor, Sammy Strunghout, Jazz Mechanica's roaming string reporter, while searching for a hundred dollar bill he thought he had mistakenly thrown into a trash bin on 42nd St., found a disheartening article about the current plight of free lance musicians in today's New York Times. It can be found online HERE. He prepared a disturbing graphic illustration of a true story for us,

The More Things Change, The More They Stay The Same

2010-12-03T23:17:00.001-05:00

Medieval Musicians Rahsaan Roland Kirk Plus ça change, Plus ça reste la même.(That's French again, Ralph)

"Lush Life" Tribute to Billy Strayhorn

2010-12-01T16:43:00.020-05:00

Billy Strayhorn was born November 29, 1915. He would have been 95 this past Monday. Of all his marvelously complex compositions, none has been more admired than “Lush Life,” originally titled “Life Is Lonely.” The hauntingly pensive lyrics, languorous melodic strains and complex harmonic structure of “Lush Life,” written when Strayhorn was still in his teens, was a precursor to the life he

Easiest Way In The World To Make Great Bread!

2010-11-29T00:29:00.019-05:00

Jazz Mechanica receives tons of mail (of course) and a large percentage of our mail is from starving cats with 50-buck gigs asking insider tips on how they can make better bread. We’ve listened to you and our hearts go out to you. It's the season for sharing, so we've decided to share our secret method for making great bread. Below is the easiest, never-fail method for making delicious artisan

Johnny Welcome Home (Dirge)

2010-11-21T02:01:00.009-05:00

Great news! We will be able to post the entire Sweet For Tea Party as it becomes available. We've just received another segment of Dr. Franklin Katlclait's, Sweet For Tea Party, called "Johnny Welcome Home." We haven't had a chance to listen to it, but due to the great interest and positive response we've received from the first segment of the suite (posted below) we decided to make it

World Premier: Sweet For Tea Party

2010-11-08T12:27:00.011-05:00

Dr. Franklin Katlclait (Frankie the Kat), noted, annotated and highly denigrated composer, has granted Jazz Mechanica permission to present the world premier of the first piece from his new suite: Sweet For Tea Party. It is orchestrated for voice of the people, things you can hit that go bang, strung-out strings, fortuity flute, shattered glass armonica and an assortment of instruments that

Polish Music Posters by Stasys

2010-06-07T21:52:00.002-04:00

Stepping away from satire for a moment, the JM staff suggested we give a nod to Polish music posters. Polish posters are an admired and highly collected genre. The artist for the posters below goes only by the name of Stasys. They are inventive and elegant and wonderful examples of Polish poster mastery. Click on any image for a larger view. (Back button to return to blog.)

NAME THIS TUNE

2010-04-29T12:16:00.004-04:00

You're an experienced musician right? (Some experiences are likely unprintable, but fun to look back on.) You cut your teeth on 'the book' in all the standard keys (drummers excused, of course). You know the tunes and don't fear the fat lady with the faint mustache in the daisy print dress approaching the bandstand beaming with a ready request. You've encountered her soul sisters a hundred

BREAKOUT: OUR JEWEL IS HOME

2009-10-06T03:25:00.008-04:00

Good news; Julian Trogla von Smythe, III/b5, fondly known to us as “Jewel,” has escaped from The Tammy Whynot Gentle Gentile Cure or Crack Forever Center in peaceful downtown Newark and is back at his desk in the corporate offices of Jazz Mechanica. Here is his report on the harrowing experience and his ingenious, daring escape. Staff writer: Julian “Jewel” Trogla von Smythe, III/b5 First: I

DEVASTATION: FAIRIE’S AIR AND DEATH WALTZ

2009-10-03T00:28:00.010-04:00

Jazz Mechanica has received numerous letters, emails and collect calls from from chagrined readers wanting to know why there has recently been a dearth of new articles published in their favorite online magazine. An explanation is due. As loyal readers know, our standards are high here at Jazz Mechanica and we are proud of the large staff of exemplary musicians we employ to ferret out and write

GLEE CLUB NOW GLUM CLUB

2009-09-10T23:43:00.024-04:00

Heda Emotica, former conductor of the Laizedale Glee Club, reports on the amazing rise in popularity of their choral group after changing their musical mode from major to minor. Our miracle began the day Sally Heartenbrok flew into my arms sobbing after a rehearsal apologetically saying there was no way she could sing the Hallelujah Chorus with sincerity. I had been having problems getting the

THE OTHER "DUKE"

2009-08-30T12:36:00.002-04:00

Now who could have guessed?!***

HAPPY BIRD DAY CHARLIE

2009-08-29T21:55:00.009-04:00

Today we put aside the inanity paintbrush for a moment to bend a knee before the glowing portrait of one of the greatest jazz musicians of all time, Charles Parker, Jr., aka "Bird." Charlie Parker was born 89 years ago today, August 29th, 1920. His intensity killed him 35 years later in 1955, but not before he had achieved immortality through his innovative music. Bird's inventive,

CHIVALRY

2009-08-28T23:48:00.001-04:00

NO CLARINET LEFT BEHIND ACT UNCOVERED

2009-08-26T04:34:00.021-04:00

We found this small news item buried in the back pages of the September 2008 issue of Music Muckraker:NASAA, Arts Advocates Offer New Recommendations for No Clarinet Left Behind Act NASAA has collaborated with a coalition of arts education advocacy groups and the CIA in the development of recommendations for strengthening the role of the arts in the reauthorization of the No Clarinet Left Behind

MOM DONATES SON TO GOODWILL

2009-08-23T00:12:00.065-04:00

The course of our life can be determined by the smallest event; a smile, a curse, crossing a street at an inopportune moment, dumping a glass of water on a waiter, or, as in the case of Squeeze Cordiacosta, an attractive toy. Aristotle's notion of causality rules our lives. Capricia Cordiacosta innocently gave her toddler son a toy concertina, unaware of the affect it would have on both their

MUSICIAN’S GUIDE TO ROMANCE

2009-08-18T03:08:00.051-04:00

It is our nature to seek romance, love, caring partners, lasting partnerships and great sex, but all too often, what seemed to be the perfect partnership goes kaflooee. A plethora of self-help books have been written on the subject and rehashed guidance books will continue to be written by future Artificial Intelligences in an attempt to fix a perplexing glitch in their human wards. Last

AXED AXES

2009-08-13T00:24:00.028-04:00

Stuart Stewart assumed the fetal position for five days next to his wrecked bagpipes after his wife put them through the washer and dryer (hot cycle), after being fed up with years of Stuart’s complaining about the perfumed laundry detergent she used. Tillie Transky put a restraining order on husband ‘Tub’ after she discovered he was having an affair with her best friend,

EXCLUSIVE – HIDDEN MONKASTERY DISCOVERED!

2009-08-05T04:35:00.024-04:00

Could this man now be This man?!!! Scores of ‘Did you hear about the musician who went to heaven…’ jokes have been passed around at gigs forever. Naturally, we assumed that all musicians go to heaven after they die (except for maybe some harmonica players). Looking for the source of persistent rumors of an isolated musical monastery in the Himalayas, Jazz Mechanica stretched the budget

THE ABBU OBOE PUCKER CLINIC

2009-07-31T23:40:00.047-04:00

Oboists suffer from an assorted array of physical and psychological ailments other than the one that caused them to play the oboe in the first place. Many of their diseases have been clinically diagnosed and others are being discovered yearly by bright leaders in the field of obology. Former oboist himself, Dr. Abbort Abbu is recognized worldwide as the world's leading obologist. Here are his

INTERVIEW WITH BERNARD BAHLPOPHER

2009-07-28T18:50:00.062-04:00

[Blast distorts our camera while playing a high ‘E’]